Kassandra's Notes

So I had my godfather-goddaughter date, which was pretty great. I was really scared because, recently, we’ve constantly been at odds with each other. But this was a great evening!

Let’s start at the beginning. I was given this date (yes, I’m calling it a date; get used to it!) as a Christmas present: a comedy night on a little boat on the Chanal in Münster. It took us months to choose a date, but the evening finally arrived yesterday. After work, I packed my things and headed to Münster.

In Münster, I spent some time with my aunt (she’s a lovely lady — strict, but really nice. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it) and my two little cousins, who are 9 and 12. Soon, however, I had some one-on-one time with my godfather. For future reference, he will be referred to as ‘the godfather’, mostly because it sounds badass and reminds me of the film, although he’s nothing like Don Corleone. Anyway, I was scared shitless that we would talk about the length of my skirt, my overly pink makeup, or any other life choice that, according to him, was ruining my life. But none of that happened; for the first time in ages, I felt like he was talking to me on the same level.

Anyway, back to the amazing evening! We walked to the ship and had normal conversations along the way. We talked about comedy, my future, his work and politics, and it was great. I never thought my uncle was easy to talk to, but at that moment, he was. On the ship, we shared a table with two people, but fortunately, they didn’t try to start a conversation. You won’t believe how relieved I was about that later, but one thing at a time.

The comedy show started, so obviously we couldn’t talk at the same time. The moderator, Mo, was amazing; he got everyone going straight away. I thought that if the comedians were half as funny, it would be an amazing night. There were three comedians that evening. I’ll call them Act 1, Act 2, and Brahim, as he was the only one whose name I remember.

Act One started off a bit strangely since its main theme was children. Jokes about cocaine, pornography and pedophilia dominated. Personally, I found the jokes got old really quickly. I laughed along the first few times, not excessively, but it was worth a quick laugh. However, after the tenth joke about stalking kids in a park, it lost its charm. Overall, it was really repetitive, and I personally like to be surprised. This act was no surprise to anyone.

Act Two started weak. It ended weak. There is no “but” or anything like that. It was a terrible performance and it lacked humour. However, something funny happened during the performance. And no, it had nothing to do with the comedian. With each sex joke, my godfather turned redder and redder. I was really confused because what is going on? Until he leaned over and whispered: ‘I’m a bad godfather for giving you this.’ In case it wasn’t obvious enough: yes, my godfather was embarrassed because of the sex jokes.

To provide some context, I’m 26 years old. Yes, I’m an adult with my own life. And yes, I have knowledge of sex. But my godfather certainly felt bad. During the intermission, he said that I would understand if I experienced something similar with my younger cousins. The thing is, though, I know where he’s coming from. But I don’t care. These were just a few sex jokes. I’ve seen my grandfather’s photo gallery. No young woman should have seen what I saw. Some porn sites have less content than that. One of my other little cousins who is 15, Fruchtzwerg (that’s my nickname for him since he was about two years old; it means ‘fruit dwarf’ in German), told me far too much about the porn he is watching. I didn’t want to know. Yes, now I possess this knowledge. And no, I still don’t want to know.

So, yeah, I understand where my godfather is coming from. But I didn’t tell him about my Tinder account, and I certainly didn’t tell him about my toy collection at home. It could be far worse. And in the knowledge that my little cousins are growing up to become puberty-controlled little sweat machines, he should get used to it because it’s not like it’s getting better.

Anyway, let’s get back to the topic at hand: the comedy night. We sat at a table with two other people who didn’t want to interact with us, which was great. I’m all for talking to strangers, but then I noticed the people at the other table. There were two pairs sitting there. One was a sweet couple. The other was a father-son duo. The son seemed all right, but not very likeable. The father, however, was something else entirely. If he were my father, I would have loved to tell him to shut up. He laughed at the most disgusting jokes and no one else did, so yes, he laughed at most of the second act. But this alone is obviously not a reason to dislike someone. Here’s why we were so glad not to sit with him: he wouldn’t stop talking, he interrupted the comedians and he made comments about the couple at his table. They certainly didn’t look happy. Overall, he was an irritating and unsympathetic human being.

But what was interesting was that Act One and Act Two were both clearly white Germans. And the moderator, Mo, and Act Three, known as Brahim, both had an obvious migrant background. I don’t know if it matters, but he only really laughed with the white German acts. Take this information as you will. I just wanted to note it.

Anyway, I forgot to tell you about the final act: Brahim. He was amazing! My godfather and I were both thoroughly entertained by his performance, especially since he improvised with the audience. I’m now following him on Instagram, as I’m contemplating going to one of his shows. If you’re looking for recommendations for German comedians, check out @brahim.4u.

In the end, I had a great time with my godfather. We talked about my studies and my future, told jokes and gossiped about the guy from the other table. He also suggested that this could become a tradition. I think this would be a great idea. I think time spent with family is precious and must be treasured. Even if they are sometimes condecending pricks. They’re still family, and I’ll always love them.